Sunday, May 20, 2012

SuperNova 4

      "Mankind will stay as it is -in itself a terrible prospect- if the principles of love and justice remain obstinately separated  instead of complementing each other.  Looking on the question from this angle, you will find that in the history of man since  the beginning of Creation, love and justice have opposed each other.  At one period justice was the human ideal, at another, love.  The divine idea of justice in love, love in justice, mankind has magnanimously left to the Creator."  -Hans Habe, The Sunflower


     I have ignored this Supernova thread for awhile.  A look into the humanity of criminals causes controversy everywhere including myself, I am sure that's why it is not popular worldwide.  What I am attempting to do with this thread is look at abusers, rapists, people who have done terrible things, with love.  I do this primarily because the people who have hurt me the worst in life were people I loved very much, and still do.  I call it 'Supernova' because when I look at someone energetically at their core every person is blindingly radiant.  What to do then is the constant battle wrestling in me.  The hurt itself- incest, is one of the most unspeakable crimes.  It is one I don't want to look at some days especially from a personal standpoint.   When I connect with other alters and remember the worst I am beyond furious- beyond unforgiving.

     I've studied what cases I could find that somewhat mirrored mine- people who remembered a second life inside the one they knew.  I've tried to understand how men could be dually family men and criminals.  I've read controversies on forgiveness and reconciliation.  I've matched the words good and bad and legal and illegal against each other in an attempt to understand what makes a man what he is or if he can even be defined.  I've tried to understand how my father who I love more than anything could be my torturer, could be my molester, could possibly be my rapist.  I understand that he, and both my parents really, had horrible experiences that have led to the decisions to act in a hurtful way as adults.  It was, however, still their choice and I do not excuse that they constantly chose to use their children as an outlet for their rage and pain so they could avoid confronting it.

      But even though I am hurt and furious over their choices, the more I actually look at them the less I am capable of hating them.  I love.  I cannot stop it, and I would not want to.  I really think the main message of Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, or any other religious figure or leader of peace boils down to this: I see you.  I see you and I can't help but love you.  To know you is to love you.

     Sexual assault is the most powerful way to tell someone that they don't matter.  The one doing the assaulting believes it for themselves but sends that message in the most devastating way possible to their victim.  For me in incest coming from my dad, the person who I looked to teach me what to think about myself, the effect was even more crippling.  I know my dad believes he is worthless and I see on the faces of every person deliberately hurting another that they believe they themselves are worthless.  Parts of me know -fiercely- that I am not worthless.  My dad is not worthless.  YOU MATTER.  I wish everyone would tell each other that.  Tell your parents, tell your neighbors, tell the people on the street, tell your friends, tell your enemies.  You matter.  You are important.  You make a difference in this world.

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