Thursday, May 24, 2012

Ungrounded- Checking In With Our Inner Selves:)

     I posted earlier from the perspective of my intuitive one, and today we made some discoveries we'd like to add.  Now she is sensitive to the extreme about things like different energies and auras.  So she noticed an effect much more than any of us would when another alter is 'sharing' (co-conscious) but not connected to whoever else is out.  When that happens, she describes it as being extremely ungrounded.  Being "grounded" is lingo from the spiritual people/sensitives/what have you that means being fully present in your body and in tune with tangible reality- "down to earth".   She's written here before about how that can be difficult for people with DID in connection to poor shielding and poor boundaries.  We'd like to add that feeling ungrounded can also come from being disconnected to your other alters.  We simply experience it as being spacey, not really feeling our body except at the top and sometimes even a sensation of floating or feeling far away.  Basically, we're high as a space cadet (might also add that communicating or writing in this state- such as this blog post -might not be clear to others or a great idea for you.  Wheeeee!). 
     We wanted to point out that with DID it might not be that NO one is fully present or in control your body, but that you might not be in touch with the parts of you that are.  Checking in with our alters, having a meeting to see what's going on connects us to the other alters that are out and helps greatly to 'bring us back down to earth' so to speak and fully present in our bodies.  We have been frustrated lately by the limitations on our ability to live our lives when we feel pushed out of our own bodies and unable to think, act, speak clearly etc.  What we are finding now for us personally is that the other alters that are out are also limited in these things when we don't connect.  It can feel a bit weird to ask questions in your mind and wait for someone else to answer, but the ability to communicate with alters can be developed or is there already, though different things may work for different people.  Feeling shut out, spaced out, whatever you call it, is irritating for everyone.  The good news is that it need not happen forever.  Communicating and checking in or having meetings can help bring down the space cadet and have you feeling closer to your normal however-normal-you normally-are self.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

SuperNova 4

      "Mankind will stay as it is -in itself a terrible prospect- if the principles of love and justice remain obstinately separated  instead of complementing each other.  Looking on the question from this angle, you will find that in the history of man since  the beginning of Creation, love and justice have opposed each other.  At one period justice was the human ideal, at another, love.  The divine idea of justice in love, love in justice, mankind has magnanimously left to the Creator."  -Hans Habe, The Sunflower


     I have ignored this Supernova thread for awhile.  A look into the humanity of criminals causes controversy everywhere including myself, I am sure that's why it is not popular worldwide.  What I am attempting to do with this thread is look at abusers, rapists, people who have done terrible things, with love.  I do this primarily because the people who have hurt me the worst in life were people I loved very much, and still do.  I call it 'Supernova' because when I look at someone energetically at their core every person is blindingly radiant.  What to do then is the constant battle wrestling in me.  The hurt itself- incest, is one of the most unspeakable crimes.  It is one I don't want to look at some days especially from a personal standpoint.   When I connect with other alters and remember the worst I am beyond furious- beyond unforgiving.

     I've studied what cases I could find that somewhat mirrored mine- people who remembered a second life inside the one they knew.  I've tried to understand how men could be dually family men and criminals.  I've read controversies on forgiveness and reconciliation.  I've matched the words good and bad and legal and illegal against each other in an attempt to understand what makes a man what he is or if he can even be defined.  I've tried to understand how my father who I love more than anything could be my torturer, could be my molester, could possibly be my rapist.  I understand that he, and both my parents really, had horrible experiences that have led to the decisions to act in a hurtful way as adults.  It was, however, still their choice and I do not excuse that they constantly chose to use their children as an outlet for their rage and pain so they could avoid confronting it.

      But even though I am hurt and furious over their choices, the more I actually look at them the less I am capable of hating them.  I love.  I cannot stop it, and I would not want to.  I really think the main message of Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, or any other religious figure or leader of peace boils down to this: I see you.  I see you and I can't help but love you.  To know you is to love you.

     Sexual assault is the most powerful way to tell someone that they don't matter.  The one doing the assaulting believes it for themselves but sends that message in the most devastating way possible to their victim.  For me in incest coming from my dad, the person who I looked to teach me what to think about myself, the effect was even more crippling.  I know my dad believes he is worthless and I see on the faces of every person deliberately hurting another that they believe they themselves are worthless.  Parts of me know -fiercely- that I am not worthless.  My dad is not worthless.  YOU MATTER.  I wish everyone would tell each other that.  Tell your parents, tell your neighbors, tell the people on the street, tell your friends, tell your enemies.  You matter.  You are important.  You make a difference in this world.