Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tea with Depression

     I've been trying lately to list reasons to be happy about my life in the hopes to inspire me enough to get out of bed when I wake up.  It doesn't work.  I dread getting up to another day, a little paltry list of reasons isn't enough to stave it off.  "My stomach has been feeling really good, I have that yummy jello, I got some new clothes".  It's just not enough.  I know it's about alters needing time out or needing a break, and this comes and goes as part of the process, but I just want to say it sucks.  And I'm OK with that for now.  I want to be able to say to people "I'm depressed" without having them suddenly be uncomfortable like they are sitting with a leper, or make me feel like I should be ashamed or try to hide it.  Sometimes life just sucks, it happens to everyone.  I see no reason to douse it with rainbows and bubbles in an attempt to cover it up so it won't run the risk of making other people uncomfortable.  I can sit with the way I am and just experience it, to be with it instead of dissociating from it.  I stay aware of it, and take precautions, so I know I am letting it go through me instead of becoming something that could be dangerous to me.  No one is yet desperate or harmful, we have an appointment scheduled and we can sit tight until then: meanwhile having a cup of tea next to Depression, Calm, and Acceptance discussing the weather and all our combined observances and hopes for life.

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