Friday, July 8, 2011

Entering the Dating Scene as a Multiple

     So today might be kind of a group effort, and it seems like a good time to write about the topic dating.  It's bound to be a curious subject with multiple personalities, for various reasons.  The most obvious is having different genders inside the same body, orientations, not mention age, and plain and simple different interests.  Most multiples I've heard of discovered they were a multiple after being married, and a few well into a serious dating relationship.  I can only profess strong gratitude that none of us have woken up in bed lying next to a stranger who claims to be our spouse.  Or woken up at different times, each with a different stranger who claims we have taken them home (in any sense of the phrase).  I am quite thankful to have discovered DID and having a chance to come to terms with it before making a conscious decision to enter that exciting strange world that is dating.
     Because we have multiple genders and preferences, I simply choose the label bi-sexual to make things easier for everyone.  For the sake of everyone, I started online dating, so I can choose when to talk or not to talk.  It is only there for those who choose to, no one is obligated to continue someone else's conversation, and we encourage that if they do they do so very respectfully.  Children do not date, and are not allowed on site or to be kept there by anyone else as a secondary present alter.  Young teens can talk and flirt a bit, but are monitored for any adult situations and generally are not that interested there anyway- preteen magazines and 17 magazine rock.  Some are very sentimental, love story types.  Some are players.  Some are completely bored out of their minds (need I re-iterate again that ALONE is GOOD!?  'Hey baby'= yawn).  While it is difficult to be completely aware and monitor for rules, it is generally encouraged that no one consciously or unconsciously sabotage anther's relationship (aHEM.  ok so not everyone encourages or listens to that.  but some of us do.  hopefully.  pleadingly).
     Where multiple alters are present in dealing with a person, or when they trade off, it is best to be very cautious to avoid having anyone else get hurt or in trouble.  Yes I have alters who are fragile and easily have their feelings hurt but I also have alters who would love to go break legs for hurting them.  FYI all jerks in the world, do not deal with a multiple.  You will be surprised.  Badly.  Being labeled as bi-sexual seems to give people ideas of exotic or wild thrills.  Some alters are delighted to have an edgy luring reputation and some are decidedly not.  Our male alters are straight and not at all comfortable getting hit on by other men.  Exchanging jokes and talks over building things yes, flirting, uh, no.
     I guess the rules of dating for a multiple are the same that apply to anyone else.  Be cautious, be safe, be respectful, have fun.   (hmph, not much fun there, all cautious and safety, fun is wild, impulsive, maybe dangerous....hehe.  hhehehehe)


Ashley said...

ok, i LOVED this post! Everything I dont have the courage to post about myself. <3

annette said...

Thanks, I think dating is such a fascinating subject for everyone, especially when you hear the stuff they are too shy or embarrassed to admit:)