Vulnerable

     I've been considering what I should write here, or if I should write here, because I like what I'm doing and I want to continue this blog.  It's a tool to help others, and myself (selves) by sharing humanity and honesty.  I believe this is one of the best ways to bring healing, not only to a mental condition caused by abuse but to a majority of the problems in the world.  So I've decided the best topic to write about today is that I don't want to write.  I don't want to share.  I am at some point of integrating with alters, I really couldn't say how far.  The more I learn about them, the more I start to integrate with them and our focus becomes less on the trials of living with many people in one body and turns to what caused it all in the first place.  The magnitude of it all makes me want to hide under a rock.  Everything is less distant, less objective.  More real, more personal.  Having different alters knowledge and memory come together like one giant puzzle is a constant shock, like living inside a thunder clap.  It reverberates down to your bones and leaves you reeling.  There's not much you can say living in a thunder clap, after it has shaken your defenses away.  Everything is far too vulnerable.