I have never been a fan of 'pushing' myself in exercise. I grew up hiding behind a book and in gym class usually scowled and muttered dark things at the instructor as I trudged laps and did a few feeble push ups. My friends and I used to call gym class DDH (Daily Dose of Humiliation) instead of PE. "Are you ready for DDH today?" Because really, what do adolescent misfits need more than to be dressed up in gym uniforms and forced to run in front of their peers? In high school I refused to participate in school sports, I took weight lifting and martial arts. In college, I took yoga and basic ballroom dance for PE credit. Now as an adult, I have been introduced to the love/hate relationship that is running. And when I say 'run', I mean running with lots of intermittent walking. Getting chased by a dog would qualify as 'going for a run' for me.
One thing I have come to discover as I try and move my body more is that it is hard to do, not only because of being self conscious or out of shape but because it requires a certain amount of presence and feeling in your body. As someone who had spent considerable time learning to dissociate from the body, this was a bit of a problem. I was extremely uncomfortable being in my body, feeling, noticing myself or being aware of other people noticing me. Some people advise regular exercise for people who dissociate not only for health but as a grounding too. Although having alters, I can still space out while exercising or not feel anything It just is less likely to happen. In fact I have had instances where another alter would agree to take over for a run when I didn't want to go out in the icky weather and they did, and I felt as snug and listless as if I was still in bed watching the world through a screen. Unfortunately that alter faded out two miles into the run, leaving me suddenly cold and miserable to walk back in the wind and rain.
Other alters (ones who are not so fond of running) and myself have taken up belly dancing and we love it. I still maintain my easygoing approach to exercise, but this is so much fun I can not think of it as work. And it suits me. Now when people say "I get up at five every morning and run twenty miles." I can say, "Wow, that is really admirable. I stay up till three every morning and belly dance." I took an interest in belly dancing because I thought belly dancers were fascinating, and I had learned a few basic moves in high school. I took it up again recently as therapy. I needed to find something I liked about being in a woman's body, something fun that women do that I would want to be present for, that would make me want to do more than curl up in a hole somewhere. Bingo- belly dancing. It makes me feel good about my body, helps me loosen up, build confidence, feel sexy, outrageous, daring or strict depending on the mood. And it turns out to be excellent exercise. And it turns out to be excellent for my health. All those gut problems- belly dancing helps tremendously. And it's fun!
One thing I have come to discover as I try and move my body more is that it is hard to do, not only because of being self conscious or out of shape but because it requires a certain amount of presence and feeling in your body. As someone who had spent considerable time learning to dissociate from the body, this was a bit of a problem. I was extremely uncomfortable being in my body, feeling, noticing myself or being aware of other people noticing me. Some people advise regular exercise for people who dissociate not only for health but as a grounding too. Although having alters, I can still space out while exercising or not feel anything It just is less likely to happen. In fact I have had instances where another alter would agree to take over for a run when I didn't want to go out in the icky weather and they did, and I felt as snug and listless as if I was still in bed watching the world through a screen. Unfortunately that alter faded out two miles into the run, leaving me suddenly cold and miserable to walk back in the wind and rain.
Other alters (ones who are not so fond of running) and myself have taken up belly dancing and we love it. I still maintain my easygoing approach to exercise, but this is so much fun I can not think of it as work. And it suits me. Now when people say "I get up at five every morning and run twenty miles." I can say, "Wow, that is really admirable. I stay up till three every morning and belly dance." I took an interest in belly dancing because I thought belly dancers were fascinating, and I had learned a few basic moves in high school. I took it up again recently as therapy. I needed to find something I liked about being in a woman's body, something fun that women do that I would want to be present for, that would make me want to do more than curl up in a hole somewhere. Bingo- belly dancing. It makes me feel good about my body, helps me loosen up, build confidence, feel sexy, outrageous, daring or strict depending on the mood. And it turns out to be excellent exercise. And it turns out to be excellent for my health. All those gut problems- belly dancing helps tremendously. And it's fun!
<a
href="http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=7395&picture=belly-dancers-body">Belly
Dancer's Body</a> by Petr Kratochvil
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